Last month, I turned 40 years. I got married at 22 years of age, after dating for 2 years with my husband. On that day, I had fun with friends and family sending gifts and birthday messages. My boss and colleagues threw me a surprise party – I made unforgettable memories.
As I ended my day, one thing felt amiss. My husband didn’t wish me a happy birthday. Since our dating days, I always looked forward to celebrating my special day with him. This time I felt disappointed as nothing could explain why he did so. Are you also wondering why my husband didn’t do anything for my birthday?
In the article, I have compiled reasons why your boyfriend didn’t celebrate your born day and how to deal with the situation.
Reasons Why My Husband Didn’t Wish Me a Happy Birthday
There could be various reasons your husband didn’t wish you a happy birthday such as, it may be a form of the silent treatment, could be chauvinist behavior or he innocently forgot your special day. Additionally, he may be having stressful thoughts about work, family or other relationships that make it hard for him to remember. That said, while you’re his failure to send birthday wishes doesn’t always mean he doesn’t care about you.
Are Birthdays Important?
Yes. Birthdays are important in the following ways:
- Birthdays are a celebration of your first day of life- you safely came down your mum’s birth canal. That’s enough reason to celebrate.
- It’s a day to be thankful for the number of years lived, achievements and personal developments- Every year is a chance to make mistakes, learn lessons and make achievements. Be appreciative on your birthday.
- Birthdays come once a year- You only have one day in every year to remember the day you were born.
- It is a day to receive warm hugs, kisses, special messages and inspiration to face another year from loved ones.
All the above make birthdays memorable. That’s why, like you, I felt pained when my husband did nothing for my birthday.
Why Did My Husband Fail to Wish Me a Happy Birthday?
Before you fret about your husband not wishing you on your birthday, try to figure out the reason he failed to do.
1. He may have innocently forgotten your D-day
Research portrays men as forgetful beings. According to science daily, 9 out of 10 men have problems remembering names and dates as compared to women. They have a common tendency of forgetting important days including birthdays and anniversaries. If you’re mad my husband didn’t plan anything for my birthday, calm down, it might have slipped off his mind. Remind him calmly and don’t let it dampen your spirit on your special day.
2. He could be stressed, anxious or depressed
Unlike women, men deal with emotional problems differently. If your husband/boyfriend has recently been talking about a difficult job environment, financial hurdles or he’s going through a lot in his family, he may easily fail to acknowledge your birthday.
3. If in a new marriage/relationship, it’s possible he hasn’t mastered your birth date
It takes time to internalize special events. It’s even harder when the event/person is fairly new to you. Is yours a new relationship? If yes, then your man hasn’t mastered your special day yet. Forgive him if this is his first time, but next year, remind him in advance.
4. It could be a silent treatment
How has your marriage been days or weeks before your birthday? Did you have fights, arguments or disagreements? What was his mood like?
If you have been in a strained marriage and he’s been angry at you, his missing–in–action move may be intentional.
Speaking to HeySigmund, Professor Paul Schrodt explains silent treatment as the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship. That said, don’t panic thinking ‘he didn’t acknowledge my birthday’, it’s not your fault. Your husband just decided to ignore it.
5. It could be a narcissistic move
Narcissists do things to hurt you intentionally. They seek to gain control over your life by arm-twisting you to agree with their demands. If you’re dating a narcissistic partner they may avoid celebrating your birthday just to punish you. Focus on yourself and ignore him as you have fun.
My Husband Didn’t Do Anything For My Birthday – Intentional or a Coincidence?
Well, it’s painful he didn’t acknowledge your birthday. This is a special day that your husband ought to remember as the first person. He may give you numerous explanations, but how can you know if he intentionally ignored or innocently forgot it?
First, watch his reaction. Different reactions send unique messages. Explore the following aspects:
- Is he remorseful and apologetic?
If your boyfriend feels sad about skipping your birthday or not even sending a wish, it could be a sign that he genuinely forgot. To show remorse, he may try to plan a belated birthday surprise or gifts. Sometimes, they go to an extent of apologizing. You may consider giving him a second chance to see how it goes.
- Does he show a don’t-care attitude towards not participating in your birthday?
It’s excusable to forget once in a while. If despite your disappointment, your partner seems unmoved, it means he ignored you.
You may not be among his top priorities, and not special to him as much. Hold a candid discussion about your position in his life before figuring out how to move forward. You need someone to make you feel special on your D-day.
My Husband Doesn’t Do Anything For My Birthday, What Should I Do?
Rather than putting yourself into sadness when your husband didn’t act in your birthday, follow these tips to lighten your heart up.
1. Have fun without your partner
I’m not telling you to act as if nothing happened. I know how it feels when a husband or boyfriend ignores your birthday. It is a painful situation. You deserve the best on this day. Enjoy with other friends and family. Have an evening out with your girls, treat yourself to a sensual massage at the spa and make memories. You have a lot to be thankful for, let no one make you feel otherwise.
2. Talk to him about your feelings/ Vent out
The disappointment from a partner can cause stress and depression. Clear your heart and mind of negative emotions. Vent out, get angry, cry and let the pain go.
Also, talk to your husband about the impact of him missing your birthday on your emotions. Frankly share with him how it makes you feel.
3. Give him space to explain
You could be thinking, “my husband didn’t celebrate my birthday, I don’t want to listen to him.” You’re justified to not want to see him or hear anything. But, wait, he could be having a sensible explanation as to why he didn’t send you any birthday wishes or gifts. Give him a chance to explain everything.
4. Before making critical decisions, take time to cool off
The fact that he forgot your special day may mean he doesn’t care about you as you earlier thought. This realization is hurtful and calls for serious actions. If you treasure birthdays, you may not want to stay with a partner who doesn’t care. Before considering separation, divorce or a break-up, allow emotions to settle first.
5. Accept his apology if he shows remorse or is apologetic
Just like you, he may also be upset about forgetting your D-day. He may also feel the need to make it up to you. If he apologizes, accept the apology, especially if it’s happening for the first time.
Chance is, he’s learnt his lesson and is willing to improve in future.
6. Come up with strategies to ensure he doesn’t forget your future birthdays
Since men forget easily, ensure you minimize such occurrences in coming birthdays. Mark your birth date on his wall/phone calendar. This will help him remember it no matter how busy he may be.
7. Consider giving him a second chance
In any relationship, mistakes are bound to occasionally happen. If your husband/boyfriend is doing well in other aspects of your relationship, this could be accidental. It’s true such errors hurt, but don’t let them ruin your love life. In the event he promises to never forget again, give him another chance to make things right.
Wrapping Up
Birthdays come once every year. They present a special opportunity to make partners feel loved, appreciated and cared for. The concern that my husband didn’t wish me a happy birthday has a deeper impact.
The majority of women/ladies take birthdays seriously and may be deeply depressed if their partners don’t feel the same. Some reasons that could make your boyfriend do nothing for your birthday include forgetfulness, stress/anxiety and silent treatment among others.
I know his no-show move could affect your self-esteem and emotions. Nevertheless, it’s your day. Have fun without him, forgive him for the sake of your peace of mind, Take some personal time and give him a second chance if he’s convincing enough. Marriage is about sacrifice, don’t let a missed birthday break your years of investment.
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