Having children is hard especially when you are trying to juggle work, running a home, being the perfect parent, and not lose yourself. Many women struggle to try and do all this while their husband is a lazy parent, find out how to resolve this and start getting the help you need.
Help, My Husband is a Lazy Parent
If your husband is a lazy parent, there might be several reasons such as work stress, his mental issues, etc. You would want to talk things out to fix this issue.
My husband is a lazy parent – what can I do? Rather than struggling in silence, it may be time to take action, communicate and start working as a team. Feeling at the end of your tether isn’t unusual being a parent but when the problem stems from the person you chose to spend your life with it can have damaging effects on your children.
Why is My Husband So Lazy?
In the 1950s women’s goals and achievements were to be a wife and a ‘happy homemaker‘, women who pursued careers were known to be selfish, putting their own needs before their husbands and children.
Fast forward to today and women have their own rights to work and vote yet being this idealized homemaker is somewhat still at the forefront in many homes. Even though women are seeking careers and working just as hard, why is it still seen that a woman is the primary carer in the home?
This leads many women to ask the question why is my husband so lazy?
Signs of a Lazy Husband
So if you are sitting there thinking my husband is lazy you may not be the only one! Even though women have moved with the time many men are still stuck in the 1950 era.
Now if you are sick of the endless chores in the home being left to you then you could be at risk of burning the candle at both ends.
Personally, I am a woman whose list is continuous, ongoing chores and responsibilities not only in the home but as a woman with a career also. It can feel as if I am the only one trying to keep on top of everything, juggling my children’s welfare, and keeping my home clean whilst sharing the burden of being the breadwinner.
This list was interesting to put together and quickly made me realize I may not be the only woman who feels the overwhelming responsibility to do everything. Look at the following signs to show you are dealing with a lazy husband.
Who’s Responsible?
A lazy parent is extremely harmful to the upbringing of children. As children work better with boundaries and routine, it can be a struggle when you need to provide this for your husband too.
Both parties need to share the responsibility for raising children. Let’s face it, it’s probably the hardest task you will ever endure so sharing responsibility is key.
Lazy parenting is starving your children of the attention they crave. If this attention is only one-sided then the behavior may alter as the children crave the attention from the absent parent.
Key skills like picking up after themselves, and taking initiative with chores can show children that things need to be done to live harmoniously and as they grow you will find that they too will learn to keep things clean and be less dependent on you to do all chores.
Exaggerated Excuses
We all love the excuse! Excuses seem to warrant that things haven’t been completed even if they have to be, leaving it down to you to complete.
Endless excuses could be from tiredness, not wanting to disturb the children, or forgetting. If you live in a busy house then these excuses will creep in from time to time but if they are used on a more regular basis then be warned, your husband is simply using them knowing you will get the tasks done.
Overworked
This can often be used as an excuse especially if the woman is a stay-at-home mom. But your partner must realize that you also have a full-time job regardless of whether you go out to work or stay at home looking after the children and home.
We have all heard those immortal words when you ask for some help with the children ‘But honey I’ve been at work all day, you don’t understand!’ They are not only infuriating but hurtful and make you feel as though you are not good enough.
Now if you are thinking my husband is lazy and doesn’t work, then the best advice I can give you is things need to change now, not tomorrow or next week but now!!
Welfare Worries
Neglect is a strong word so before we start throwing it about let us look at what could worry you about welfare.
On the rare occasion when your husband is the sole carer of your children you may return to find them still in their Pj’s. This is not an unknown phenomenon. I think it is too much to deem this as neglect but if you start finding that your children are hungry, unclean, or never dressed when your husband is the sole carer then it points to the lack of attention they are giving to your children and their need for routine.
At one point in my home, I was flabbergasted to recognize my husband had left my 2-month-old in her dirty diaper simply because ‘he has a weak stomach’ now believe me I was shocked and horrified that my husband had in fact used an excuse and neglected the welfare of our baby. Needless to say, she wasn’t left for long but when I noticed, her diaper was changed as soon as possible by him.
How To Deal With a Lazy Husband
You have identified that you have an extremely lazy husband and his skills as a parent may be lacking or even absent. This can be the case in many homes but look at the following cues on how dealing with a lazy husband can help save your marriage and make your home a better place to be.
How To Manage A Lazy Husband
If you are thinking “my husband is lazy around the house” and it’s becoming the norm, look at the following for guidance.
‣ Communication is Key
I don’t wish to bore you about how important it is to communicate in your relationship but you need to tell your husband that you have had enough.
Talk calmly to avoid getting into a row but explaining that you need help from him can give him the kick up the behind he needs to realize that being a parent isn’t a one-player game.
‣ Positive benefits
By no means do you have to make a reward chart for your grown husband! You don’t need to parent him!
Showing him that if the chores are dealt with by you both you can spend quality time together. Watching a movie or having a date night will remind you both why you chose one another. We can all get bogged down with the daily struggles of imbalanced life and work so taking time out to sincerely appreciate each other can help. Obviously, this cannot be completed if things are not done as a team.
‣ Reminders
So this article doesn’t become a “men hate campaign” it is fairly normal for us to realize as women we can see things that need to be done, we know who has football practice and ballet in the week but for your husband, this may not be obvious. Making a chore chart or a weekly timetable can benefit everyone in the home.
Using visual stimuli can help organize and provide motivation to those in the home who need a boost. It will also lighten the chores for you.
Depression Issues
It would be unfair not to include information about mental health struggles.
Depression, especially postpartum, is commonly associated with women but what about the men in our lives?
Men can also suffer from ‘daddy blues.’ The stigma around postnatal depression makes it harder for dads to recognize this as an issue for them. This is not to be used as an excuse for your husband to throw around but it could be the first step for them to seek the help they need.
A study found that depression in dads has increased by 68%. This could be the reason you find yourself saying my husband is lazy and unmotivated. Getting to the bottom of the lack of motivation your husband may have is imperative.
Wrapping Up
The stresses of becoming a parent can throw you both into the fire. I found that after having my first child it hit us both like a brick wall. No one ever expects it to be as hard as it is.
Both you and your husband need to recognize that becoming a parent is a shared experience that has ups and downs. The idyllic picture of the perfect American home can be real but it is rarely possible for it to be perfect 100% of the time.
I truly hope that you have found some solace in this article that many women are also dealing with my husband is a lazy parent.
But that we have given you some ideas to help regain a harmonious life as a partner and parent.
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