We all want the same and that is for our kids to be happy, respectful, kind, and have good manners. Some days you may feel like you are a champion at this whole parenting thing but it only takes one bad day out of the week to make your blood curdle and make you think ‘ I’m not a good mom!’
☆ Highlight
If you feel like you are not a good mom, you would want to figure out your weaknesses and wipe them out. Closing all the negativities, and drawing a line under them is very important.
Feel Like I’m Not a Good Mom – Am I Alone?
Why do I feel like a bad mom? Feeling like a bad mom and being a bad mom are polar opposites on the parenting scale. Let’s face it, all kids push boundaries from time to time, and whether you are a gentle parent or shout the main thing is your children are still safe and loved.
I Don’t Feel Like a Good Mom
As a parent myself I know this question has come up on my radar a few times. But guess what? If you are sitting thinking am I a bad mom because things didn’t go to plan today then I guarantee you are not the only mom feeling this way!
Ok so your toddler threw a screaming fit in the grocery store, or they trashed the toy room. Maybe you have been a referee to siblings that have fought all day.
Then you snap!
Shouting, naughty corners, letting them cry it out. Whichever way you choose to handle stressful situations doesn’t determine whether you are a good or bad mom, it proves you are human and are under pressure from the little humans you created.
Ask yourself, are your children loved? Are they safe? Are they happy (most of the time)? If you answer yes to these questions then it is time you give yourself some credit and cut yourself a bit of slack!
Is There Such a Thing as a Perfect Parent?
Ok so let’s get one thing straight I’m not here to give you a foolproof plan for parenting and I am in no way the perfect mom. But what I’m aiming to achieve is to prove we all feel we screw up from time to time and our biggest critic is not our children, our partner, or Karen down the road, our biggest and most judgmental person is always going to be you!
We are surrounded by Pinterest-worthy moms who bake, always look great, and have a home that is immaculate. But here’s the scary truth, they are photos. Not real life, a staged frozen few seconds in time that portray the “perfect mom.”
You will get days where you feel like you are totally winning! You washed your hair and cleaned the kitchen! Cue mom celebration! Being a mom is so hard in many ways and if there’s one thing I know it’s that there are never enough hours in the day to tick off those jobs on your unending list!
The Goal isn’t Perfection
So you had a bad morning and feel like a bad mom. Give yourself a chance to recognize how things could have played out differently. Whether it’s the way you dealt with a toddler tantrum or felt helpless with a teething baby – you need to pause, providing your child is in a safe place away from harm, walk away!
You can’t be the best version of yourself as a mom when you are flooded with cortisol, the stress inducing hormone. Walking away from the stressful situation to return calmer can help a screaming baby chill out and give you a better handle on the situation.
Top Tips to Remember for Feeling Like a Bad Mom
The number of times I said I feel like a horrible mom, especially in my first year, were uncountable. So I’m going to write a few things that were shared with me when I was at my lowest.
‣ What is Weakness?
Feeling weak, not strong enough to cope can feel overwhelming. Weakness as a mom does not define who you are. Before being a mom you were a happy strong-willed woman. Now you have made happy strong willed children! If you ever feel overcome by weakness then remind yourself who you are!
It is time to normalize the feelings we can get from time to time. A step off the crazy, juice-bringing, snack-making, bum wiping rollercoaster.
- Feeling like you need space away from your kids. A night alone where you and your partner can reminisce about life before parenting. (I guarantee all you talk about are the kids!)
- Hiding out in another room. My room isn’t actually inside it is in the garden. Providing my children are safe I just step outside in the rain or sun to gather and collect my thoughts. With a 5-year-old and 4-year-old it can get very intense.
- Feeling bored. Bored of life, same tasks, willing for those naps. Being a mom can be boring and it’s OK to admit it!
There are so many other feelings you get as a mom and it is ok to feel them and recognize them. This in no way makes you a bad mom!
‣ Close the Door on Negativity
One situation for me was when my toddler decided to have a meltdown over a sucker pop. Simple terms ‘mom said no’ not realizing the soon to follow meltdown I was presented with was like a slap in the face.
Screaming, tears, kicking, laying on the floor you name it I had it hurled toward me at 100 miles an hour. A very public meltdown!
The sad part about this was not how I made my child feel because she was way too young for a sucker anyway but how the people around me responded.
We all get those red face inducing mom moments and for some unknown reason, strangers feel the need to pass comments like ‘you have your hands full, someone’s not happy’, and while you just smile and nod you wish you could say exactly what you were feeling inside.
I’m not sure when it started but it is as if when you are a mom, people you don’t even know feel like they have a duty to pass comments on your child’s behavior, good or bad.
If faced with anything like this you need to shut their negativity down! So instead of being greeted with ‘they should share’ , stop and ask them ‘how would they feel if you took their phone … to share?’
Stopping this judgment in its tracks whether it is intentional or not can also help you understand how your child feels for a second. After all, they are human too!
‣ Draw a Line
A bad day can make you feel like ‘I’m not a good mom,’ as if you are damaging your kids, as if the way you handled their tantrums will scar them for life, they will grow up feeling unloved, and grow into horrible adults. Guess what … they won’t remember tomorrow!
That’s it! Admitting that today was hard is ok and admitting to not liking your child very much is also normal but it doesn’t mean the actions of one day will shape their future or that you don’t love them.
Draw a line under a bad day, admit to the difficulties and restart tomorrow on a new page. So many of us find ourselves sometimes counting down the hours till bedtime before noon so you are not alone!
‣ Use Your Failings
I feel like a bad mom to my toddler, you say this to yourself through weeping eyes, feeling totally beat at the fact being a mom is freaking hard!
So much harder than you thought. As you wallow in your pity party (which we all need sometimes) you feel like a failure, a total mom monstrosity.
Well lady I need to say this only once,
Snap out of it!
Yes being a mom is hard, but it is also a loving, happy time in your life where you can get do-overs. Yup!
I began living in my pity party too often until I used my failings to correct my own behavior. How did I want to respond to my daughter’s public meltdown? How could I have handled it better? What did I do that was GOOD?
I find by reviewing the day in my mind gives me a better chance to handle future unruly situations (there will be more). The way I want to not catch myself in a shouting fit and then be ridden with mom guilt.
Wrapping Up
The words I’m not a good mom need to be taken out of your head.
The past cannot be changed, no matter how we wish we had a handle on tough behavior some days will be hard.
It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom at all, it just means you are a hardworking woman who has this newfound responsibility whether you have a baby or a teenager, life as a mom is challenging it’s how we move on that counts.
Don’t dwell on what you should have done. Be the best you can be and start seeing your worth as your child already does.
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