Help, My Step Child is Driving Me Crazy!

Being a stepparent is hard, you have 50% of the responsibility with what can seem like 10% of the respect. Saying ‘my step kid is driving me crazy’ is the first step to rebuilding your relationship. To mend the cracks you need to address the bigger picture of why their behavior is sending you around the bend and your role in this child’s life. 

Blended Families

Relationships can be difficult, there’s no denying that but when you are joining an already built family unit it is even more challenging. 

Navigating through life as a step-parent is not one that should be taken lightly. Without a doubt, you are expected to love, respect, and help to mold this little future but without the immediate respect kids give their biological parents. You may feel as if you are treading lightly when it comes to being in charge as a stepparent and this can be the reason – My step child is driving me crazy.

Changes For You

Firstly let’s examine what is changing for you. Whether it be a new whirlwind romance or a relationship you have had for some time, accepting a partner means getting involved two feet first and stepping up as a mom or dad figure. 

It’s not an easy role to accept, you are demanded to become a parent to children who may not take kindly to your presence – cue your fight for acceptance.

You love your partner with everything you have but thinking my step kid is driving me crazy is just the tip of the iceberg and should be addressed. 

You are not replacing the absent parent in the home but adding to the life of raising this child. As you strive to be accepted be it through kindness or laying down boundaries you may feel like your relationship has hit a brick wall.

Becoming a stepparent can have highs and lows but no matter how you feel you choose to be a part of your partner’s life and their children’s. Working through the challenges is key but you may feel like you have lost your identity along the way. You haven’t had 9 months to dream of this child, nor have you spent hours deciding on names. Instead, you have been handed an already grown teen or a child whose attitude you dislike. Cut yourself some slack you don’t have to be the Brady Bunch overnight.

Changes For Children

It’s hard for them too! The life they knew with mom and dad has collapsed, and their safety net of mom and dad has altered to weekend visits or holidays spent with being the center of their parent’s attention. Then they are introduced to you. A new adult, one who they are unsure of. 

Feelings of confusion can flood their brains leaving outbursts of anger or frustration. You could be the reason their dream of their parents reuniting has shattered.

Ok, before I make you feel like the worst person ever, you are not responsible for their parents’ split and you should expect your partner to help build the bridge for them to come to terms with their new normal. 

Your step child, like any other, is going through the motions of discovering new boundaries and rules. That’s not considering whether they have any new siblings to bond with. You can expect them to push a little harder for attention, what’s expected in one house may be totally different from their primary home. 

Compromise is Key

It is evident that no matter which way you look at it both you and your step child may be finding the setup difficult. It is easy to expect them to conform as soon as they enter your home, but this method may take a while if it takes at all! 

Consider their feelings, what’s expected from mom and dad differs in each home yet they have another adult that is laying down house rules. Like caged animals, the only way for them to express their emotions is by taking it out on you! 

Rule number one is whilst taking their point of view into consideration don’t hinder your own values to spare their feelings. You have been blessed with this new responsibility and accepted the challenge but working with your partner is the first step to becoming a family unit. If you find behavior unacceptable then you should feel comfortable correcting them without stepping on anyone’s toes. 

The Other Parent

One of the other most difficult relationships to build when you become a step parent is with the other parent. There will often be feelings of distrust, a lack of respect, and the feeling that you may be coming into their lives to try and steal their children away from them. 

Although this relationship can be extremely difficult to build it is one that will have a huge impact on how your stepchildren perceive and respond to you. After all, if their parent has nothing nice to say about you then that will quickly become the opinion of the child as well – this is very difficult to change.

If on the other hand, you can have a mutually respectful relationship with the parent and are supportive of each other in the decisions that you make regarding the children, then this is far more likely to be successful. 

Not only will the children see a united front in both sets of parents but they are far more likely to be accepting of your relationship with their parent.

The Solutions to Step Child Making Life Hard- Build Relationships

There are a few different ways in which you can work on building a positive relationship with the other parent.

1. Communicate Frequently

Check in regularly with the biological parent. This will make them feel like they are being kept in the loop and that decisions are not being made without them.

2. Try To Not Make Assumptions

Separations are rarely amicable and even more so when there are children involved. Do not make assumptions about their character or what happened in their relationship in order for it to end in separation. It would be best to just stay away from that topic and the reasons.

3. Plan for Those Big Events

Times of year such as Christmas and school holidays can be extremely stressful for those co-parenting. Ensure that plans are put in place early and that it is fair to both sets of parents.

Be A Proud Co-Parent

‣ Respect

You are not the only parent, but you need to decide what parent you wish to be. If fair but firm is your mantra then set realistic boundaries but don’t enter that danger territory of being ‘a friend.’ You are first and foremost a parental figure that deserves the same respect as mom and dad. 

‣ Communicate

Consider talking to your partner about your stresses, if it’s appropriate, talk to your partner’s ex-partner, you may be shocked if they are acting the same at their home. Becoming civil co-parents solidifies that each adult is working the best way possible for the child in question. 

‣ Realistic Expectations

Don’t be a negative bag of rules. Expecting children to conform to the rules you set, can be the start of a failing relationship. Given appropriate time and allowing them to adjust to the rule change may be all it takes. 

‣ Celebrate Together

Living and working through the lows as a stepparent makes celebrating the highs even more rewarding. Raise them up as if they are your flesh and blood, and show their achievements off to the world. They will respect you for showing how proud you are of them.

Wrapping Up 

Overall feeling my step child is driving you crazy, is normal but shouldn’t be accepted. A step-parent’s battle for acceptance isn’t one to be taken lightly.  

Consider setting realistic boundaries you are comfortable with, and team up as a co-parenting unit so everyone is aware of their role.

You will still get days where they will drive you crazy but surely this is a part of being a parent, right?