In his profession as a marriage counsellor, my husband handles complicated marriage issues. Surprisingly, he recently shared with me about most of the major conflicts resulting from sexual deprivation or total lack of it. While sex is not the centre of any marriage, it contributes to happiness and emotional fulfilment.
Sex is a basic need. The majority of spouses marry to have it met by their partner. However, different people have varying sex drives. You may find a partner who loves getting intimate daily while the other feels okay doing it after a couple of days. Are you in marriage and wondering why my husband gets angry when I won’t sleep with him? You are not alone. Women have hormonal changes and monthly ovulation cycles affecting their libido terribly.
In this article, discover possible reasons why husbands/boyfriends get angry when you deny them sex and solutions to the same.
Why Does My Husband Get Angry When Won’t Sleep With Him?
The question of why my husband gets angry when I won’t sleep with him could have several reasons. The sex rejection might leave him feeling unwanted and not attractive. Also, your’ no’ may distort his internal thought process leaving him with a punctured ego that hurts. Men are naturally sexual beings. While most of them marry for regular sex, they may not understand that there will be days the wife or partner may just want to roll over and sleep.
- Do men have a high sex drive?
Yes. Men naturally have a high sex drive as compared to women. An NIH study found men to have a higher sexual desire than women due to the testosterone hormone. This explains why you may not always be in the same sexual mood. I know you’re thinking, ‘but my boyfriend gets mad when I don’t sleep with him.” That’s a normal reaction since he may also feel like you’re no longer attracted to him. Differences in sex drives may cause hurt, anger and low self-esteem that could break your marriage.
- Is sex an entitlement for all married men?
Sex forms an integral part of any successful marriage. With sexual satisfaction, both partners feel loved and special. However, there should be consent and willingness. You’re allowed to say no to your husband/partner when you don’t feel like engaging in it, without him reprimanding or judging you.
Sadly, in most relationships, men find sex as their entitlement. In research by Glamour, 59% of men believed that husbands are entitled to sex from their wives, while 46% agreed on boyfriends being entitled to sex from their girlfriends. If you are in a marriage/relationship with a man who feels entitled to having sex with you, he may not understand when you’re not ready and could get angry if you say no.
- Must I Always say ‘Yes’ to my husband’s sexual advances?
No. the most pleasurable sex involves two individuals with mutual feelings towards it. It’s not wrong not to want it every day. You’re not failing in your duties as a wife by not keeping up with your husband’s sexual appetite. However, don’t make the refusal to engage sexually become a pattern. It’s wise to make him understand your feelings and try to meet his sexual needs when there’s no specific reason not to.
My Boyfriend Gets Mad When I Don’t Sleep With Him, What Should I Do?
The constant lack of interest in having sex with your husband could lead to a broken marriage. It’s understandable to avoid any sexual contact with him occasionally. If weeks and months pass without any sexual desire, it becomes a serious problem.
What should you do?
1. Seek professional help
Your lack of interest/ low sex drive could result from several reasons as follows:
- Stress/anxiety/panic or mood disorders
- Hormonal changes during pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding
- Illness
- Side effects from medication
- Unresolved relationship/marriage issues
- Trust issues leading to emotional disconnect
- Poor communication about your sexual needs
Consult a good marriage counsellor or therapist for expert advice on resolving relationship and psychological issues. Visit a doctor in case you’re ill or when certain medications react negatively with your body. Don’t let your husband’s anger pile up and ruin your marriage.
2. Communicate effectively
I know all rejections hurt, but sexual rejection with a good explanation feels better –trust me. Talk to your husband/boyfriend and give him clear reasons why you’re not in the mood for sex. This will make him feel loved and appreciated. Additionally, communicate how you feel about your sex experience lovingly. For example, if he sucks in bed, be wise as you explain to him the areas of improvement.
3. Compromise when you can
If your partner likes daily sex while you, on the other hand, prefer it occasionally, you may try ways to compromise the situation. Unless the reason for your lack of desire is medical, improve connections and psych yourself for some fun even when you may not feel like doing so. It’s not like he’s blackmailing you into sex, he’s yearning to have a basic need met.
4. Offer alternatives to sex
Penetration is not the only way to achieve sexual satisfaction in men. You may not feel like making love but, there are other ways to meet his sexual needs –even if not fully. Having some quality time together, massaging his body, hugging, kissing or sensual touches are great alternatives to sex. The idea is to make him feel wanted hence reducing anger.
Wrapping Up
Everyone dreams of a good marriage. Research confirms good pleasurable regular sex as a recipe for successful unions. During the honeymoon days, both partners can’t get enough of each other, as days pass, the desire minimizes.
You could be worried “my husband gets angry if I deny him sex.” Calm down. A lot of things happen in a woman’s body making you not feel like not having any sexual contact with your boyfriend/ husband. It could be physical, psychological, social, emotional or health-related factors.
All in all, don’t be too hard on yourself, such moments occur in a woman’s monthly cycle and sex avoidance for a couple of days is acceptable. However, your partner might feel disappointed if you routinely deny him sex. Visit a counsellor/therapist or doctor if you’re concerned about disinterest in sex. Communication with your partner makes him understand what you’re going through.
